The Lovely Cimot: First Pet, First Heartbreak

This post is dedicated to my first ever pet, Cimot. May she rest in love, no longer in pain, already in heaven.

It's not even a week since I met her. 

It was Wednesday 20, December when my mom brought her and told me to accompany her to the vet because the kitten she brought with was too small and shivering. I went back to the house to get dressed and grabbed my wallet. I took the kitten with me and sat on the shotgun while my mom driving. I still remembered how small she was and how she tried to seek comfort in my jacket. 

Fortunately, when we arrived to the vet clinic, the vet was free and we were invited in to the vet's room. By the time we put the kitten on the table, the vet said she's too small and she should be still in her mom's care. However, my mom told her that she found this kitten on the streets following the kids without her mom around. My mom took her because she was afraid the kitten will be ran over by car and die. 

The vet then looked at her, observed her. Asked kitten's name (at first, we just gave her random name: Beti from Belang Tiga as the kitten was a calico). She then gave Beti milk substitute and vitamin. Also she said tBeti has so many fleas and she also gave us the anti flea spray and flea comb. She told us that it will be like how we treat a baby. Beti would need milk/food every 2 hours and vitamin once a day. The flea spray need to be sprayed two sprays a day only. We said thanks and goodbye to the vet while also purchasing a pad for Beti.

We then went home and prep a cardboard box for Beti. That night, we gave her milk and put her to sleep. 

The next day, we decided to call her Cimot instead of Beti since Beti sounds so... lame. 

Thursday, 21 December: Cimot was no longer want to drink her milk. She refused to drink it so at first I made her by holding her. She kept meowing and in the end, I didn't have a heart to continue so I just gave her the wet food for baby and mother cat (though she didn't eat the food herself, I have to fed her using spoon). However, her poop was too runny. I was worried. I thought it was because she was eating the food instead of the milk. That's why I went back to force her to drink the milk. We decided if her poop keep runny like this, I will go back to the vet on Friday. Despite all of that, she was a cute and active kitten. 

Friday, 22 December: It was just another day for Cimot in the house. I was playing with her that morning before going to the vet when I found out that her feces contain fresh blood. It's not much but it worried me. Since I already planned to go to the vet today, I then prepped her to go earlier. Since I couldn't find the pet carrier my mom borrowed from her friends in the storage room, I used a used food container to bring her to the vet. Unfortunately, when we get there, the vet wasn't there yet. The practice was start on 10 am while I was already there on 8 am. So we wait. Cimot was asleep inside the box (I kept the box open and put it in the shopping bag), sometimes when she meowed I take her out and put her on the dashboard. 

I registered Cimot to the cashier so when the vet arrives we will get the first order. However, there were a misunderstanding between the staffs and we're going on the 2nd order. When it's our turn, the vet was different from last time. So I told her the story from the very first and she started to examine Cimot. Turned out she might got digestive inflammation and worms. That explained why the poop was runny and the size of her body because she didn't get the nutritions from the food she ate due to the worms. To make her poop solid, the vet was given Cimot a probiotic and she said that when the poop is getting better and solid, then Cimot can be given a anthelmintic to kill the worms. Then I bide a goodbye and said thanks to the vet. But before we went home, I also bought another pad and a small pet carrier to bring her.

(later that day she was playing with herself, cutie)

Saturday, 23 December: Her poop was not getting better, yet. But it was expected since it's just her second day of probiotics. My mom was asking me to go to the mall today. But I thought about Cimot. I called my dad to help looking out for Cimot for a while and also I ordered a cat cage. Even though it took a bit long, the cage was arrived on time. I prepped Cimot and put her on the cage together with her food and pad. I informed my dad too before I go. Fortunately, nothing happened during my absence and Cimot doing just fine. 

(vid taken by my dad)

Sunday, 24 December: I didn't really remember what happened this day. But I guess, nothing much happened. Though, her poop was still not getting better, Cimot was still active. I sometimes put her outside the cage and she would walk around. She also so smart. She knew that when she wants to poop, she needed to dig. So, when she wanted to poop while she was outside the cage, she would 'dig' and I would know that she wants to poop so I could bring her back to the cage before it's too late. She was so cute though at this moment I was thinking if I was able to continue to treat her since I will need my time to go outside, or work that required me leaving her home alone. 

Monday, 25 December: The day I would never forget. This day, in the morning, my mom woke me up by saying "your baby needs you". So I went to Cimot and fed her. It's getting harder to gave her food. So I force her to drink the milk. Then, the thought come to me again. About letting her go for good. I told my mom about it and with heavy heart, we decided to let her go. Initially we planned to bring her somewhere and let her go there. But when we brought her outside, my mom said to put her on the porch. My dad also said the same. So I left here there with her food while my mom and I went to meet her clients. 

At first, it felt okay. Before we went to the appointment, we were going to exercise. Around 7.30, we were going to the place where my mom's clients going to meet her. Then, the news came to me. 

My mom was going to the toilet when I got the news. At 7.59, not event 8 am yet, my dad text me "The kitten died. I think it's the bigger cat doing. Her neck was wide open. Perhaps scratched or bitten by a larger cat.". He also sent me the picture of her laid there, with neck wide open with blood. I unable to downloaded the pic because it was terrifying. I shook and put my phone on the table and cried. I wanted to cried my heart out but I was in a cafe so I know I couldn't do that. I kept crying until my mom back and asked me what happened. I told her and she hugged me. I couldn't stop because I thought it was my fault that she got attacked by other cats. I should not put here out. I supposed to keep her still. I told my mom, I don't want to go home yet. So we decided to stroll around the mall (after the appointment).

We arrived home around 6 pm. I didn't know where my dad buried her body so I just looked around the garden, trying to find the location. My heart felt even heavier when I entered the house and saw Cimot's cage and all his equipment (food, pads, milk). I just went to my room to changed and decided to put away all of her belongings. However, this was the hardest thing ever. I undid the cage, swapped the floor, throw away her left over milks and water, her used pads. I did all of those things while remembering how Cimot used to be here with me. I couldn't help but crying my heart out. I feel guilty. Very guilty. I kept saying sorry to Cimot. Hope she could forgive my negligence, my impatient, my selfish self. If only I could be more patient with her, this should not happen. 

However, it all already happened. I could not turn back time no matter how much I wanted to. I have to accepted Cimot's death and made this as a lesson for me. If I ever have a pet again in the future, I will remember that it's a big responsibility and I need to commit no matter how hard it is. 

Cimot, with this post, I will letting you go for good. I will remember you as a happy moment in my life. At least, we able to meet. I am sorry for everything in the past week. Though it's too short, your presence really means a lot for me. See you. You must be happy now and no longer in pain. I love you. We love you. 

Welcoming 2019

Hello It’s been a while since I wrote here. My last blog post was in 2017. Yea, I kind of busy with things and forgot that I have blog for a year. But worry not, I will try to be more active to write blogs in 2019 (finger cross). Okay. So, first of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Yeah I know it’s been 2 weeks since the new year but it’s still the first 2 weeks in 2019 so just let the euphoria lingers. By welcoming 2019, I want to dedicate my blog post to recap what happened in 2018. There were so many things happened in a year. I even thought that 2018 was a long year. But, what happened in 2018 really changed me into a better person. I was pushed to face my worst nightmare, to stepped out from my comfort zone, to experience new things, everything was happened in 2018. So without further ado, let’s get to the recap.

1. Job Promotion: New Job, New Team, New Responsibility
   I started the year with a promotion offer. Not really a position that I have eyed, but still very interesting one. So basically in the end of 2017, GOJEK finally has planned to expand the business to the SEA. To able to do that, all of the documents we have that still in Indonesian, need to be translated to English. So with some friends in content team (my current team that time), we picked some articles, SOP, issues, etc to be translated in English and used for the expansion. It continued until the early 2018, and then my manager asked me if I want to take this as my responsibility. To take care of the expansion plan (for content related). He said that I will still in his team but responsible on the expansion content area. So, I said why not. But it changed. Turned out there were some changes in the organisation and I moved to the Expansion Team and responsible as Content Expert. I was promoted. I was happy but in the same time I was sad… because I need to stepped out from my comfort zone, separated with my friend, my ohana (okay, it’s too much).
2. Xin Chào Việt Nam!
   Because of my promotion to the Expansion Team, I have a lot of opportunities to meet new friends from the country that GO-JEK planned to expand. One of them was Vietnam. So just a week after the promotion, I was preparing the workshop for the Vietnam and Thailand team, the two countries that will be our first countries to expand (Philippines supposed to be included but since there’s some regulation issue so it was pending, until now). In that workshop, I met some people who will work in Go-Viet and Get Thai, and befriended them. It was so much fun. Also I was able to practice my english. And I was become a trainer! Oh my God that was such an unforgettable moment for me. One achievement unlocked. So after the workshop, we were preparing all of the checklist for Vietnam to be launched. On May, I went to Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh City, with the whole team. And that was so good! Vietnam was so… classic, if I must say. It’s like we went back on time to the 60’s but the technology was so advanced. Good thing, the currency was cheaper so I didn’t need to exchange a lot of money. Everything was cheap. Even a pint of Baskin Robbins and Haagen Dazs. But the traffic… hahaha, the traffic was a nightmare. Even worse than Jakarta or Medan. Scary. We tried pho, eat some local food (thanks for this, I knew that I hate coriander for life), took a lot of walk (the pedestrian was so wide and clean and comfy), went to the City Hall and experienced a good night there (by accident!), and many things! Even though some things were not going as planned (like the food was not as good as I thought for my taste), I still really enjoyed Ho Chi Minh. Hẹn gặp lại Việt Nam (see you again, Vietnam!)
3. Fasting as a Minority
   It did not take long until I went to Vietnam again. This time, it happened during fasting month, Ramadhan. I kinda worried since it’s going to be my first time to fast in other country. Let alone, as a minority. It’s gonna be harder because we will still get lunch together, and working as usual, and seeing them eat… and I will be the only one fasting. That’s what I thought. When it’s time, I got my period. Ehehehe, so I didn’t get to experienced my first day there fasting. Thank God. On this second time, we stayed at a rent apartment. And because it’s fasting month, we kind of brought some food to prep like chicken nuggets, beef jerky, beef floss, noodles, even Teh Kotak. Hahaha, I know it was silly. But, after all, our tongues are really Indonesian tongues. On the last days there, I finally experienced fasting in the country. Ho Chi Minh might be as hot as Jakarta but it was more humid there. So I felt thirsty easier than usual. And since most of the team were not fasting, I found it hard to see them eat. I let them know that this was something I need to do as a Muslim. And they understood. But in the end, one day before I went back home, I decided to not fast and go around the city. Because I know it’s going to be very tiring and hot and hard day to fast. Hehehe, turned out my faith was not enough to keep me from doing things I should not.
4. The (so) Unpredictable World Cup
   Yeah, 2018 means FIFA World Cup. I really could not wait for this moment. The moment I could support my favorite football team, Der Panzer, Germany. To people who did not know me, they might think that I was just like any other people who like soccer at the time like this, and just like the player based on their look. But no, people. I have watched soccer since I was in senior high. I used to like MU but now I root for Chelsea (London Pride!). And I started my World Cup journey on 2002. When it held at Korea-Japan. Germany was my first love and the rest is history. Anyway, just like any other year, I rooted for Germany. They won the Cup back at 2014, and I hoped they will win this too. However, some player has retired. Such name as Lahm, Klose, Schweinsteiger, and many new young players that I did not know before joined the team. I knew they must be good. So I have no worries. But luck was not on the Germany’s side. They have to withdraw from the cup in a group phase. Dang! I was so sad and disappointed. They played bad and I kinda foresee the result. But overall, this year’s World Cup really unpredictable. The big team like Netherlands and Italy did not qualified to even played in group phase. Germany, Argentina, Portugal and many big players lost to some underdogs. Russia as a host went until QF. Belgium could pass the QF and went to the SF. England got their glory again and went until SF. And the finalist… it was Croatia vs France. Although Croatia needed to admit that France was still that good, it was an achievement for the team to be the finalist and runner up this year.
5. Asian Games and Asian Para Games 2018: in Indonesia!
   The most awaited sport events in Asia was finally happened. Even though I need to be satisfied to just watching the event at home. The star of the event of course, Badminton. Through this event, finally, badminton got its glory again. Everyone was rooting for our badminton team. There were Nobar everywhere, even at the office. Hahahaha. Yeah, my coworkers even streamed in the big screen. It was really big. But in the contrary, the same excitements did not happened for the para games event. The streaming site were not as much as for the Asian Games one. But deep down, I was still rooting for our athletes who compete in the event. They were the true hero!
6. Go-Viet is LAUNCHED!
   So after all this time, the hard work, the blood, sweat and tears, it’s LAUNCHED! Although my team was not invited to the event (yeah only the big bosses came, e.g. Nadiem), we’re so happy that it’s finally happened! The grand launch was held in Hanoi, since Go-Viet also launched in Hanoi at that time (they had already go live in Ho Chi Minh City few months before). The President of Indonesia came to see the event too. You might never know how it feels. All the stressed, the pressures, finally over. HAHAHA IT’S OFFICIAL. I’m happy. So much.
7. SINGAPORE!
   YES! WE’RE GOING TO EXPAND TO SINGAPORE! I thought that I’m going to visit Thailand first but no. So after we launched at Vietnam, I thought Thailand will be launched not long after. But while Thailand was preparing, Singapore was coming. Actually, GO-JEK had an office in Singapore, but only for Data Science team. And by this, the plan for Singapore was different from what we have for Vietnam and Thailand. In Singapore, instead of built a new brand, we’re just going to expand GO-JEK brand and use it all together. So while we’re preparing for that, the whole Service Excellence Team from Singapore came to Indonesia. They’re having a session here. Like a workshop we were held for Thailand and Vietnam team. It’s so much fun. Even though it’s also tiring. Singapore team was colder than the Vietnam and Thailand team but they were good people, I know. Couldn’t wait to go to Singapore.
8. Solo Traveling
   God really heard my prayer. So not long after, someone from the team asked me to go to Singapore to help the content team there. They were asking me to go alone. I was screaming inside. I am going to solo traveling! So I prepared my passport again, my trunk again. I was overwhelmed. What if my baggage is overload, what if I lost, and so many what ifs. Because it’s gonna be my first time go to other country all by myself. And I never went to Singapore before. It’s so daunting. I have planned everything. So I asked the ticketing team to set my flight on Sunday morning because I planned to go around the city. But me being the stupid myself, was ruined the plan by watching Crazy Rich Asian midnight show and ended up not sleeping before the flight. It made me sleep all the way to the Singapore and my body was aching the whole afternoon. So of course the plan to go around the city was failed. While I was in Singapore, I use the public transport, I was going local. Walking on the pedestrian, using the ez-link card, walking to the subway station, riding the train. I did not have many times to go around the city, but I make sure to utilize all the time I have there to enjoy the city. It’s too short. I will be back. Soon. Wait for me, Singapore.
9. HAPPY 8TH ANNIVERSARY, GOJEK: My 3rd GOJEK Anniversary
   This year, GO-JEK turned 8th years old. Pretty much old as a startup company, don’t you think? And then I realised. It’s my 3rd GO-JEK anniversary. I was joined the family when GO-JEK celebrated its 6th anniversary. And now, it’s already 8th. Hope that GO-JEK could become a great company, always be the fast and fearless startups, dynamic and stay Indonesia. Success to conquer the SEA area and be head to head rival for Grab. Me love you, my second family.
10. Attended 3 Concerts: BTOB, Golden Child, and DAY6!!!
    This was the best thing ever happened in the year! Starting from BTOB who finally came to Indonesia (even though Eunkwang couldn’t join them because he needs to go to the military, sad). The concert was superb. But I would not say that as a full concert. It was like mini concert + fanmeeting kind of event. They talked a lot, play a lot. Really entertaining. They were really good looking, funny, sweet and endearing. I would love to see them again in the future. Especially because I need to see Eunkwang in the real life! And then my friend told me that there will be a charity event and my favorite rookie idol is going to come as a guest. Golden Child is finally coming, that’s what I thought. Of course I went to that event! But since it’s going to be like a festival kind of event, with more than 1 artist, I was thinking hard to purchase the ticket. On the d-day, I was going to purchase it when my friend gave me the ticket freely! Happy. So yeah that night, I was having a very good night. The other artists also performed really good, especially 1 band named Kite Band. They were REALLY good. Of course Golden Child was become the last performer and I was blown away! They were that good. And Jangjun was talking in Indonesian (but his grammar was so bad but at least we understood). They were really good looking in real life I couldn’t even hold my scream back then. The last one, to close the year was, DAY6! You know, it was really impulsive decision. Since I just knew them from April, and they announced that they’re going to have world tour and will going to Jakarta on December, I impulsively bought the ticket on the first day of the sales. Though the short time, I really could say that I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! Their songs were really good. No bad song ever produced. To stan them was a blessing. My friend who introduced them to me, have attended their event for two times. The one time was including a high touch session. And the price for that at that time only half the price. I think I will talk about these three concert on different post. Or else, this is going to be a long post.

So, I think, that’s all. All the things I have experienced last year really made me think that I’ve done a lot. I achieved so many things. I made many new friends. I traveled to many places. I took new responsibility. So, I wonder, what will 2019 brings for me? I hope many good and even better things for me. Ciao. - Nifa

Chapter 5: Ide Fiki

SBT adalah kepanjangan dari Story Blog Tour, yang merupakan salah satu program komunitas menulis One Week One Paper. Dengan adanya SBT ini, anggota belajar untuk menyelesaikan satu cerita bersama-sama. Tema SBT kali ini adalah FRIENDSHIP!

Settingnya anak SMA. Yaaa you know lah gimana serunya masa-masa itu… hohoho. Oh iya, cerita di bawah ini fiksi, yaaa! Kalau ada kesamaan nama tokoh, nama sekolah dkk, itu semua gak di sengaja kok, hehe.

Semoga cerita SBT kali ini tetap bisa dinikmati seperti SBT-SBT sebelumnya. Semalat membacaaaa :) Komen yah. Kritik dan sarannya ditungguuu

Btw, ini cerita sebelumnya. Kalau kamu mau nyambung baca ceritanya, nikmati sesuai urutan:

1. Nana: Misteri Dana Operasional

2. Depi: Pertemuan

3. Naimas: Perbincangan Di Kafe 


Cerita sebelumnya....

Di rumah Hadyan…

Kesal mendengar hasil rekaman yang Wanda kirim, Hadyan meraih mainan bola basketnya lalu melempar ke ring yang terpasang di dinding kamarnya. Tuk! Masuk dengan sempurna.

“Sial si Anton!” Ucap Hadyan berang.

“Tenang dulu, Sob,” Fiki mencoba menenangkan.

“Berarti memang ada sesuatu yang patut kita gali lebh dalam. Sasaran selanjutnya Dimas. Tapi agak kesulitan buat deketin dia.” Darma coba menganalisa.

“Gue ada ide!” Ucap Bayu tiba-tiba sambil menjentikkan jarinya ke dagu. “Gue pernah denger Dimas pernah ditegur sama wali kelasnya gegara nilai-nilainya pada turun. Gue rasa, gue bisa deketin dia dengan menawarkan bantuan.”

***

Chapter 5: Ide Fiki

“Maksudnya, lo mau bantuin dia belajar gitu, Bay?” tanya Fiki. Bayu mengangguk dengan senyum bangga tersungging di bibirnya. Ia merasa bahwa idenya sangat cemerlang.

“Kayak dia mau percaya aja sama lo, Bay. Masa orang yang dari dulu nggak pernah sapa-sapaan tau-tau nawarin bantuan? Kalo gue jadi Dimas, gue pasti curiga sama lo,” jelas Wanda. Darma dan Hadyan yang mendengar penjelasan Wanda hanya bisa mengangguk setuju.

“Bener juga sih,” gumam Bayu mendadak meragukan idenya sendiri.

“Gimana ya enaknya? Si Dimas sekelas sama siapa sih?” Fiki memandangi teman-temannya bergantian. Satu persatu menggeleng. “Seriusan nggak ada ya?”

Seketika semuanya terdiam. Saling mencari ide, bagaimana caranya menggali informasi dari Dimas. Tidak satu pun dari mereka yang pernah sekelas dengan Dimas. Pun menjadi temannya. Dimas memang Ketua OSIS, tapi ia bukanlah sosok ketua yang bijak di mata para anggota OSIS. Dirinya cenderung egois, bossy dan agak sombong. Sebenarnya semua orang maklum karena ayahnya salah satu penyandang dana yayasan. Tapi, hal itu kan bukan sebuah pembenaran sikapnya yang tengil. Apalagi ia ini ketua OSIS.

“Susah juga ya kalo kayak gini,” ujar Hadyan memecah keheningan.

“Ya iya sih. Dipikir-pikir emang jadi susah. Habis dia juga kan sebenarnya hampir nggak punya teman. Pengikut sih ada. Tapi teman? Gue nggak yakin,” timpal Bayu.

Tiba-tiba Wanda menjentikkan tangannya. “Ah! Kok gue bisa lupa sih. Kemarin, gue sempet lihat Dimas jalan ke gang kecil gitu. Pas pulang dari kafe.”

“Kok lo baru bilang sih?” tanya Fiki gemas.

“Ih, lupa gue. Lagian pas gue ikutin, gue kehilangan jejak. Jadi ya gue nggak tahu juga si Dimas akhirnya ke mana,” jawab Wanda.

Melihat keadaan yang agak panas dan terkesan memojokkan Wanda, Darma pun akhirnya angkat bicara.

“Guys, udah, jangan mojokkin Wanda gitu. Yang penting sekarang kita tahu Dimas memang menyembunyikan sesuatu. Terlebih masalah Anton yang diminta Dimas untuk tidak membantu Hadyan untuk mencari dana tambahan.” Semuanya mengangguk mengiyakan.

“Guys, gimana kalo besok, kita buntutin Dimas aja?” usul Fiki.

“Ide bagus. Tapi, kira-kira siapa yang bisa?” tanya Wanda. “Jangan gue plis. Gue nggak bisa diem kalo gugup. Kalo nanti gue malah jadi menggagalkan rencana gimana?”

Lagi-lagi keheningan menyelimuti. Semuanya tahu bahwa masing-masing memiliki keengganan sendiri untuk membuntuti Dimas. Tapi mereka juga tahu kalau tidak ada yang mau melakukan hal itu, masalah ini takkan pernah selesai. Boro-boro selesai, menemukan titik terang saja belum tentu bisa.

Darma terlihat sekali berpikir keras. Biar bagaimana, ide untuk menyelidiki hal ini berawal darinya. Bukannya ia tidak mau melakukan usul Fiki. Tetapi kebetulan sekali, besok ia tidak bisa mangkir lagi dari kegiatan bimbelnya. Jatah bolosnya sudah terpakai semua. Jika saja ia masih ada jatah bolos satu kali saja, ia pasti akan menjadi orang yang mengajukan diri tanpa perlu diminta untuk membuntuti Dimas. Karena sungguh, dirinya penasaran sekali.

“Gue aja.”

Semua kepala menoleh ke asal suara. Suara itu bukanlah suara yang asing, namun suara itu bukan suara dari mereka berlima. Kelima pasang mata itu menatap ke arah pintu kamar Hadyan yang memang terbuka. Di sana, berdiri seseorang yang tidak mereka sangka-sangka. Jangankan membantu, mereka bahkan awalnya yakin orang ini terlibat dengan kasus dana sekolah. Tapi, untuk apa dia ke sini? Dan, mengapa ia ingin membantu?

***

BERSAMBUNG! Kira-kira siapakah orang yang tiba-tiba ingin membantu Darma dan kawan-kawan untuk membuntuti Dimas dan menggali informasi mengenai hilangnya dana sekolah?

And The Million Dollar Question is.....

Bulan Oktober sudah mau selesai. Berarti sebentar lagi bulan November, lalu Desember. 

Ah, lalu dua bulan lagi aku genap 25 tahun. Dan dua bulan lagi pula sepupuku (yang lebih muda dariku setahun) akan menikah. Aku sih sudah tahu apa pertanyaan yang pasti akan memburuku. “Nifa kapan nyusul?” atau “Masa kesusul Firdha?” atau “Pacarnya mana nih?”.

Sebetulnya aku tidak mempermasalahkan itu. Bagiku, jodoh di tangan Allah. Bukan mauku jika sampai saat ini aku belum bertemu atau dipertemukan dengan dia. Mungkin memang belum ada momentum yang tepat, atau aku masih kurang memantaskan diri. Tapi, semakin hari, mama dan adikku mulai sering bertanya. Kapan Mbak Nifa mau mulai mencari?

Menjadi seseorang yang sulit bergaul, bukan pilihanku. Dan terkadang aku jadi menyalahkan diri sendiri ketika aku jadi tidak bisa dekat dengan laki-laki karena hal ini. Sekalinya dekat, mentoknya hanya sampai di ‘zona teman’ saja. Sakit? Tentu saja. Tapi mau bagaimana lagi. Aku bukan orang yang bisa bilang ‘suka’ begitu saja kan.

Aku memiliki kecenderungan membuat diriku tidak dipandang seperti wanita ketika sedang bersama teman-teman lelakiku. Mengerti kan? Jadi sepertinya mereka menganggapku sama seperti mereka, laki-laki juga. Padahal biar bagaimanapun aku ini perempuan. Mungkin itu juga yang membuat mereka tidak pernah membiarkan aku melewati ‘zona teman’ itu. 

Nah, aku sekarang punya seorang sahabat, ya sebutlah sahabat ya karena kami dekat lebih dari teman tapi tidak lebih dari itu juga. Karena aku jarang bisa dekat dengan teman laki-laki, mama jadi sering menjodoh-jodohkan. Salahku juga sih karena aku sering cerita dia begini, dia begitu. But then, the statement came. 

“Kamu sama dia aja, Mbak. Mama setuju deh. Anaknya baik,” ucap Mama suatu hari.

Aku jujur saja kaget. Sahabatku itu memang sering main setiap kali dia sedang ada waktu. Tapi, dia sepertinya tidak pernah melihatku seperti ‘perempuan’ (sedihnya). Dan diawali dengan ucapan mama (yang aku tidak hiraukan) aku jadi mulai berpikir. Iya sih, memang dia baik. Perawakannya pun tidak buruk. Agamanya pun sepertinya bagus. Lalu, hatiku mulai condong. Dan setiap kali mama mengatakan itu, aku hanya bisa bilang “Apaan sih, Maaaa...” tapi diam-diam hatiku mengamini. Jika Allah memang menakdirkan aku dengannya, aamiin, batinku.

Tapi, aku ragu. Apakah aku memang suka atau hanya karena mama sering meledekku dan aku agak... desperate? Entahlah. Akhirnya, perlahan aku berusaha untuk menghilangkan perasaan ini. Ditambah lagi, kemudian aku tahu dia sudah punya pacar. 

Lalu, bagaimana? Entahlah. Sekarang aku hanya berusaha untuk memantaskan diri. Berdoa juga. Apalagi sekarang, seperti yang sudah kujelaskan di atas, mama dan adikku mulai banyak tanya tentang hal ini. Sudah tidak lagi ‘santai’ kalau dulu aku bilang. Posisiku kini sama dengan teman-teman yang juga mulai didesak. Tapi aku bisa apa. Aku memang belum ada rencana (setidaknya untuk tahun ini dan tahun depan). Dan aku juga tidak punya target. Oh, aku dulu punya target. Tapi targetku sudah lewat. Jadi aku hanya bisa berdoa dan berharap suatu saat akan dipertemukan.

Aku tahu yang namanya jodoh (katanya) jangan ditunggu. Tapi dicari. Ya, aku juga sambil mencari. Semoga saja Allah mendengar doaku. Paling tidak, doa mama. Doa adikku. 

Dua bulan lagi aku 25 tahun. Entah apakah aku siap menghadapi ‘Sindrom 25’ atau itu hanya mitos saja. Tapi semoga di 25 tahun ini aku bisa menjadi pribadi yang lebih dewasa dan siap menghadapi apapun. Pun jika Allah memberiku jodoh di usia ini, semoga ia adalah orang yang sayang kepada keluargaku dan dapat membimbingku ke jalan yang lebih baik. Aamiin.

Love,

Nifa.