Just....

23 Februari 2016

I feel so fed up and tired of this job. I mean… I don’t really have works. No, bukannya gue nggak punya kerja tapi gue nggak punya kerjaan. 

Not really. 

Mostly I just watching something on my PC, twittering, anything but work. I feel like I’m not gonna be someone here. Not gonna get any position.

And then there’s this girl. I like her. Really. She was well just like my little sister I didn't even have. But, maybe she’s more creative, more outspoken, more….. everything. A risk taker. Oh and she’s younger than me. But well, she shadowed me. I don’t really want to say this but really…. I’m somehow feeling so… defeated. 

And now, today, I just heard that she may be going to be a socmed specialist(?) or socmed trainer. Well maybe because she can. I don’t blame her really but… I want that kind of opportunity too. But then what is my wall? Maybe my confidence, maybe my insecurity, maybe my introvert side, I don’t know.. Or maybe it's just me, who build a damn brick wall in front of me that close all the opportunity I might have.

I hate ‘this’ me. I hate me who hates others because they do better than me. I hate me who can’t overpass people. I hate ‘this’ me. TT TT