Mar 9, 2015

A Year Has Passed


I supposed to post this like 4 days ago, but because of something else, I didn't.

So, on 5 March, it's been a year my grandma has passed away. A year, really? I still can remember the day when she's gone. My lovely grandma. How I rejected her wish to went to her house, how I half-heartedly answered her call, how I ignorantly went there with a grumpy self. But when I arrived, she's already gone. I still can recall my feelings at that moment. I couldn't even cry at first, denial was all I feel. My Umi was not dead, please it's a lie. But then, when the doctor left, my grandpa still sat beside her, their housekeeper was crying like a mad, I finally shed my tears. The realization was hit me so hard. My grandma, my lovely grandma, my one and only Umi. Then the proverbs: you never know what you have until you lose it, or you take it for granted, was floating in my mind. Yeah, when she's fine, I rarely visited her, or just say hi, or maybe just anwering her calls. The reason why I still couldn't believe it at the moment was because the night before, the day before, I went to their house, she's still fine. And before she passed away, she still lead pengajian for her student's grandchild's akikah. So sudden.

Well, regret is useless now. She is in the better place anyway. No more pain, no more sickness, no more meds. She's watching us from above. I still can't believe now a year has passed. A lot of things happened for a year after she's gone. I used to live with grandpa to accompany him. I ignore my thesis. My grandpa was re-married. I finally graduated (the things she asked me for a year before she passed, and I feel sorry for not graduated sooner so she could see me, TT TT).

Nine years live with stroke, couldn't even walk normally, live everyday with meds, plus her diabetes and high tension, I believed she suffered. But she always gave her best, always cheerfully live her life everyday, always pampered her grandchildren, always been a loving grandma for everyone. She, who used to walk around to shops or just for fun, for 9 years had to sit down cause of her stroke, it must be hard. But now she's not suffer anymore.

Umi, wherever you are now, I hope you happy. You are forever in our hearts. No one can replace you. You are the best teacher, the Guru, the one who teached us to be a better person, to be a better muslims. I am very sorry if I used to ignored you, picked a fight with you, hurt your heart.

Allahuma firlaha, warhamha, wa'afiha, wa'fuanha.
Ya Allah, berikan ia tempat tebaik di sisimu, jauhkan ia dari siksa kuburmu, berilah ia kubur yang terang, ampuni segala dosanya, angkatlah derajatnya, semoga ia meninggal secara khusnul khotimah. Aamiin.

Rest in peace, Umi. We love you to the moon and the back.

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