This post is dedicated to my first ever pet, Cimot. May she rest in love, no longer in pain, already in heaven.
It's not even a week since I met her.
It was Wednesday 20, December when my mom brought her and told me to accompany her to the vet because the kitten she brought with was too small and shivering. I went back to the house to get dressed and grabbed my wallet. I took the kitten with me and sat on the shotgun while my mom driving. I still remembered how small she was and how she tried to seek comfort in my jacket.
Fortunately, when we arrived to the vet clinic, the vet was free and we were invited in to the vet's room. By the time we put the kitten on the table, the vet said she's too small and she should be still in her mom's care. However, my mom told her that she found this kitten on the streets following the kids without her mom around. My mom took her because she was afraid the kitten will be ran over by car and die.
The vet then looked at her, observed her. Asked kitten's name (at first, we just gave her random name: Beti from Belang Tiga as the kitten was a calico). She then gave Beti milk substitute and vitamin. Also she said tBeti has so many fleas and she also gave us the anti flea spray and flea comb. She told us that it will be like how we treat a baby. Beti would need milk/food every 2 hours and vitamin once a day. The flea spray need to be sprayed two sprays a day only. We said thanks and goodbye to the vet while also purchasing a pad for Beti.
We then went home and prep a cardboard box for Beti. That night, we gave her milk and put her to sleep.
The next day, we decided to call her Cimot instead of Beti since Beti sounds so... lame.
Thursday, 21 December: Cimot was no longer want to drink her milk. She refused to drink it so at first I made her by holding her. She kept meowing and in the end, I didn't have a heart to continue so I just gave her the wet food for baby and mother cat (though she didn't eat the food herself, I have to fed her using spoon). However, her poop was too runny. I was worried. I thought it was because she was eating the food instead of the milk. That's why I went back to force her to drink the milk. We decided if her poop keep runny like this, I will go back to the vet on Friday. Despite all of that, she was a cute and active kitten.
Friday, 22 December: It was just another day for Cimot in the house. I was playing with her that morning before going to the vet when I found out that her feces contain fresh blood. It's not much but it worried me. Since I already planned to go to the vet today, I then prepped her to go earlier. Since I couldn't find the pet carrier my mom borrowed from her friends in the storage room, I used a used food container to bring her to the vet. Unfortunately, when we get there, the vet wasn't there yet. The practice was start on 10 am while I was already there on 8 am. So we wait. Cimot was asleep inside the box (I kept the box open and put it in the shopping bag), sometimes when she meowed I take her out and put her on the dashboard.
I registered Cimot to the cashier so when the vet arrives we will get the first order. However, there were a misunderstanding between the staffs and we're going on the 2nd order. When it's our turn, the vet was different from last time. So I told her the story from the very first and she started to examine Cimot. Turned out she might got digestive inflammation and worms. That explained why the poop was runny and the size of her body because she didn't get the nutritions from the food she ate due to the worms. To make her poop solid, the vet was given Cimot a probiotic and she said that when the poop is getting better and solid, then Cimot can be given a anthelmintic to kill the worms. Then I bide a goodbye and said thanks to the vet. But before we went home, I also bought another pad and a small pet carrier to bring her.
(later that day she was playing with herself, cutie)
Saturday, 23 December: Her poop was not getting better, yet. But it was expected since it's just her second day of probiotics. My mom was asking me to go to the mall today. But I thought about Cimot. I called my dad to help looking out for Cimot for a while and also I ordered a cat cage. Even though it took a bit long, the cage was arrived on time. I prepped Cimot and put her on the cage together with her food and pad. I informed my dad too before I go. Fortunately, nothing happened during my absence and Cimot doing just fine.
(vid taken by my dad)
Sunday, 24 December: I didn't really remember what happened this day. But I guess, nothing much happened. Though, her poop was still not getting better, Cimot was still active. I sometimes put her outside the cage and she would walk around. She also so smart. She knew that when she wants to poop, she needed to dig. So, when she wanted to poop while she was outside the cage, she would 'dig' and I would know that she wants to poop so I could bring her back to the cage before it's too late. She was so cute though at this moment I was thinking if I was able to continue to treat her since I will need my time to go outside, or work that required me leaving her home alone.
Monday, 25 December: The day I would never forget. This day, in the morning, my mom woke me up by saying "your baby needs you". So I went to Cimot and fed her. It's getting harder to gave her food. So I force her to drink the milk. Then, the thought come to me again. About letting her go for good. I told my mom about it and with heavy heart, we decided to let her go. Initially we planned to bring her somewhere and let her go there. But when we brought her outside, my mom said to put her on the porch. My dad also said the same. So I left here there with her food while my mom and I went to meet her clients.
At first, it felt okay. Before we went to the appointment, we were going to exercise. Around 7.30, we were going to the place where my mom's clients going to meet her. Then, the news came to me.
My mom was going to the toilet when I got the news. At 7.59, not event 8 am yet, my dad text me "The kitten died. I think it's the bigger cat doing. Her neck was wide open. Perhaps scratched or bitten by a larger cat.". He also sent me the picture of her laid there, with neck wide open with blood. I unable to downloaded the pic because it was terrifying. I shook and put my phone on the table and cried. I wanted to cried my heart out but I was in a cafe so I know I couldn't do that. I kept crying until my mom back and asked me what happened. I told her and she hugged me. I couldn't stop because I thought it was my fault that she got attacked by other cats. I should not put here out. I supposed to keep her still. I told my mom, I don't want to go home yet. So we decided to stroll around the mall (after the appointment).
We arrived home around 6 pm. I didn't know where my dad buried her body so I just looked around the garden, trying to find the location. My heart felt even heavier when I entered the house and saw Cimot's cage and all his equipment (food, pads, milk). I just went to my room to changed and decided to put away all of her belongings. However, this was the hardest thing ever. I undid the cage, swapped the floor, throw away her left over milks and water, her used pads. I did all of those things while remembering how Cimot used to be here with me. I couldn't help but crying my heart out. I feel guilty. Very guilty. I kept saying sorry to Cimot. Hope she could forgive my negligence, my impatient, my selfish self. If only I could be more patient with her, this should not happen.
However, it all already happened. I could not turn back time no matter how much I wanted to. I have to accepted Cimot's death and made this as a lesson for me. If I ever have a pet again in the future, I will remember that it's a big responsibility and I need to commit no matter how hard it is.
Cimot, with this post, I will letting you go for good. I will remember you as a happy moment in my life. At least, we able to meet. I am sorry for everything in the past week. Though it's too short, your presence really means a lot for me. See you. You must be happy now and no longer in pain. I love you. We love you.
