The Lovely Cimot: First Pet, First Heartbreak

This post is dedicated to my first ever pet, Cimot. May she rest in love, no longer in pain, already in heaven.

It's not even a week since I met her. 

It was Wednesday 20, December when my mom brought her and told me to accompany her to the vet because the kitten she brought with was too small and shivering. I went back to the house to get dressed and grabbed my wallet. I took the kitten with me and sat on the shotgun while my mom driving. I still remembered how small she was and how she tried to seek comfort in my jacket. 

Fortunately, when we arrived to the vet clinic, the vet was free and we were invited in to the vet's room. By the time we put the kitten on the table, the vet said she's too small and she should be still in her mom's care. However, my mom told her that she found this kitten on the streets following the kids without her mom around. My mom took her because she was afraid the kitten will be ran over by car and die. 

The vet then looked at her, observed her. Asked kitten's name (at first, we just gave her random name: Beti from Belang Tiga as the kitten was a calico). She then gave Beti milk substitute and vitamin. Also she said tBeti has so many fleas and she also gave us the anti flea spray and flea comb. She told us that it will be like how we treat a baby. Beti would need milk/food every 2 hours and vitamin once a day. The flea spray need to be sprayed two sprays a day only. We said thanks and goodbye to the vet while also purchasing a pad for Beti.

We then went home and prep a cardboard box for Beti. That night, we gave her milk and put her to sleep. 

The next day, we decided to call her Cimot instead of Beti since Beti sounds so... lame. 

Thursday, 21 December: Cimot was no longer want to drink her milk. She refused to drink it so at first I made her by holding her. She kept meowing and in the end, I didn't have a heart to continue so I just gave her the wet food for baby and mother cat (though she didn't eat the food herself, I have to fed her using spoon). However, her poop was too runny. I was worried. I thought it was because she was eating the food instead of the milk. That's why I went back to force her to drink the milk. We decided if her poop keep runny like this, I will go back to the vet on Friday. Despite all of that, she was a cute and active kitten. 

Friday, 22 December: It was just another day for Cimot in the house. I was playing with her that morning before going to the vet when I found out that her feces contain fresh blood. It's not much but it worried me. Since I already planned to go to the vet today, I then prepped her to go earlier. Since I couldn't find the pet carrier my mom borrowed from her friends in the storage room, I used a used food container to bring her to the vet. Unfortunately, when we get there, the vet wasn't there yet. The practice was start on 10 am while I was already there on 8 am. So we wait. Cimot was asleep inside the box (I kept the box open and put it in the shopping bag), sometimes when she meowed I take her out and put her on the dashboard. 

I registered Cimot to the cashier so when the vet arrives we will get the first order. However, there were a misunderstanding between the staffs and we're going on the 2nd order. When it's our turn, the vet was different from last time. So I told her the story from the very first and she started to examine Cimot. Turned out she might got digestive inflammation and worms. That explained why the poop was runny and the size of her body because she didn't get the nutritions from the food she ate due to the worms. To make her poop solid, the vet was given Cimot a probiotic and she said that when the poop is getting better and solid, then Cimot can be given a anthelmintic to kill the worms. Then I bide a goodbye and said thanks to the vet. But before we went home, I also bought another pad and a small pet carrier to bring her.

(later that day she was playing with herself, cutie)

Saturday, 23 December: Her poop was not getting better, yet. But it was expected since it's just her second day of probiotics. My mom was asking me to go to the mall today. But I thought about Cimot. I called my dad to help looking out for Cimot for a while and also I ordered a cat cage. Even though it took a bit long, the cage was arrived on time. I prepped Cimot and put her on the cage together with her food and pad. I informed my dad too before I go. Fortunately, nothing happened during my absence and Cimot doing just fine. 

(vid taken by my dad)

Sunday, 24 December: I didn't really remember what happened this day. But I guess, nothing much happened. Though, her poop was still not getting better, Cimot was still active. I sometimes put her outside the cage and she would walk around. She also so smart. She knew that when she wants to poop, she needed to dig. So, when she wanted to poop while she was outside the cage, she would 'dig' and I would know that she wants to poop so I could bring her back to the cage before it's too late. She was so cute though at this moment I was thinking if I was able to continue to treat her since I will need my time to go outside, or work that required me leaving her home alone. 

Monday, 25 December: The day I would never forget. This day, in the morning, my mom woke me up by saying "your baby needs you". So I went to Cimot and fed her. It's getting harder to gave her food. So I force her to drink the milk. Then, the thought come to me again. About letting her go for good. I told my mom about it and with heavy heart, we decided to let her go. Initially we planned to bring her somewhere and let her go there. But when we brought her outside, my mom said to put her on the porch. My dad also said the same. So I left here there with her food while my mom and I went to meet her clients. 

At first, it felt okay. Before we went to the appointment, we were going to exercise. Around 7.30, we were going to the place where my mom's clients going to meet her. Then, the news came to me. 

My mom was going to the toilet when I got the news. At 7.59, not event 8 am yet, my dad text me "The kitten died. I think it's the bigger cat doing. Her neck was wide open. Perhaps scratched or bitten by a larger cat.". He also sent me the picture of her laid there, with neck wide open with blood. I unable to downloaded the pic because it was terrifying. I shook and put my phone on the table and cried. I wanted to cried my heart out but I was in a cafe so I know I couldn't do that. I kept crying until my mom back and asked me what happened. I told her and she hugged me. I couldn't stop because I thought it was my fault that she got attacked by other cats. I should not put here out. I supposed to keep her still. I told my mom, I don't want to go home yet. So we decided to stroll around the mall (after the appointment).

We arrived home around 6 pm. I didn't know where my dad buried her body so I just looked around the garden, trying to find the location. My heart felt even heavier when I entered the house and saw Cimot's cage and all his equipment (food, pads, milk). I just went to my room to changed and decided to put away all of her belongings. However, this was the hardest thing ever. I undid the cage, swapped the floor, throw away her left over milks and water, her used pads. I did all of those things while remembering how Cimot used to be here with me. I couldn't help but crying my heart out. I feel guilty. Very guilty. I kept saying sorry to Cimot. Hope she could forgive my negligence, my impatient, my selfish self. If only I could be more patient with her, this should not happen. 

However, it all already happened. I could not turn back time no matter how much I wanted to. I have to accepted Cimot's death and made this as a lesson for me. If I ever have a pet again in the future, I will remember that it's a big responsibility and I need to commit no matter how hard it is. 

Cimot, with this post, I will letting you go for good. I will remember you as a happy moment in my life. At least, we able to meet. I am sorry for everything in the past week. Though it's too short, your presence really means a lot for me. See you. You must be happy now and no longer in pain. I love you. We love you. 

And The Million Dollar Question is.....

Bulan Oktober sudah mau selesai. Berarti sebentar lagi bulan November, lalu Desember. 

Ah, lalu dua bulan lagi aku genap 25 tahun. Dan dua bulan lagi pula sepupuku (yang lebih muda dariku setahun) akan menikah. Aku sih sudah tahu apa pertanyaan yang pasti akan memburuku. “Nifa kapan nyusul?” atau “Masa kesusul Firdha?” atau “Pacarnya mana nih?”.

Sebetulnya aku tidak mempermasalahkan itu. Bagiku, jodoh di tangan Allah. Bukan mauku jika sampai saat ini aku belum bertemu atau dipertemukan dengan dia. Mungkin memang belum ada momentum yang tepat, atau aku masih kurang memantaskan diri. Tapi, semakin hari, mama dan adikku mulai sering bertanya. Kapan Mbak Nifa mau mulai mencari?

Menjadi seseorang yang sulit bergaul, bukan pilihanku. Dan terkadang aku jadi menyalahkan diri sendiri ketika aku jadi tidak bisa dekat dengan laki-laki karena hal ini. Sekalinya dekat, mentoknya hanya sampai di ‘zona teman’ saja. Sakit? Tentu saja. Tapi mau bagaimana lagi. Aku bukan orang yang bisa bilang ‘suka’ begitu saja kan.

Aku memiliki kecenderungan membuat diriku tidak dipandang seperti wanita ketika sedang bersama teman-teman lelakiku. Mengerti kan? Jadi sepertinya mereka menganggapku sama seperti mereka, laki-laki juga. Padahal biar bagaimanapun aku ini perempuan. Mungkin itu juga yang membuat mereka tidak pernah membiarkan aku melewati ‘zona teman’ itu. 

Nah, aku sekarang punya seorang sahabat, ya sebutlah sahabat ya karena kami dekat lebih dari teman tapi tidak lebih dari itu juga. Karena aku jarang bisa dekat dengan teman laki-laki, mama jadi sering menjodoh-jodohkan. Salahku juga sih karena aku sering cerita dia begini, dia begitu. But then, the statement came. 

“Kamu sama dia aja, Mbak. Mama setuju deh. Anaknya baik,” ucap Mama suatu hari.

Aku jujur saja kaget. Sahabatku itu memang sering main setiap kali dia sedang ada waktu. Tapi, dia sepertinya tidak pernah melihatku seperti ‘perempuan’ (sedihnya). Dan diawali dengan ucapan mama (yang aku tidak hiraukan) aku jadi mulai berpikir. Iya sih, memang dia baik. Perawakannya pun tidak buruk. Agamanya pun sepertinya bagus. Lalu, hatiku mulai condong. Dan setiap kali mama mengatakan itu, aku hanya bisa bilang “Apaan sih, Maaaa...” tapi diam-diam hatiku mengamini. Jika Allah memang menakdirkan aku dengannya, aamiin, batinku.

Tapi, aku ragu. Apakah aku memang suka atau hanya karena mama sering meledekku dan aku agak... desperate? Entahlah. Akhirnya, perlahan aku berusaha untuk menghilangkan perasaan ini. Ditambah lagi, kemudian aku tahu dia sudah punya pacar. 

Lalu, bagaimana? Entahlah. Sekarang aku hanya berusaha untuk memantaskan diri. Berdoa juga. Apalagi sekarang, seperti yang sudah kujelaskan di atas, mama dan adikku mulai banyak tanya tentang hal ini. Sudah tidak lagi ‘santai’ kalau dulu aku bilang. Posisiku kini sama dengan teman-teman yang juga mulai didesak. Tapi aku bisa apa. Aku memang belum ada rencana (setidaknya untuk tahun ini dan tahun depan). Dan aku juga tidak punya target. Oh, aku dulu punya target. Tapi targetku sudah lewat. Jadi aku hanya bisa berdoa dan berharap suatu saat akan dipertemukan.

Aku tahu yang namanya jodoh (katanya) jangan ditunggu. Tapi dicari. Ya, aku juga sambil mencari. Semoga saja Allah mendengar doaku. Paling tidak, doa mama. Doa adikku. 

Dua bulan lagi aku 25 tahun. Entah apakah aku siap menghadapi ‘Sindrom 25’ atau itu hanya mitos saja. Tapi semoga di 25 tahun ini aku bisa menjadi pribadi yang lebih dewasa dan siap menghadapi apapun. Pun jika Allah memberiku jodoh di usia ini, semoga ia adalah orang yang sayang kepada keluargaku dan dapat membimbingku ke jalan yang lebih baik. Aamiin.

Love,

Nifa.

How Are You?

It’s been a while

Since the last time we met, we talked, we hugged

I missed you already

Do you happy up there, Eyang?

Because there’s no day I never miss you

Because everyday is still about missing you

Because everyday since you’ve left is never be the same day for me anymore

You are my compass, my home

But yet when you still here I oftentimes forgot

I’m sorry for not visiting you often

Even when I had plenty times to do that

Even when I had nothing to do that day

I feel burdened to go to your home

I took you for granted

I missed you so much it hurts

But you already in a better place

Wish you well, Eyang

I will always miss you

Ps: Give my love to Umi as well.. I really miss her too.

Love

BIG BAD WOLF: Nyasar di BSD

Haaaaaaiiii~

Jadi, karena gue merasa diri ini banyak sekali utangan entry blog, gue memutuskan untuk ngepost lagi. Ehehehhehe....

Beberapa minggu lalu, tepatnya tanggal 1-8 (atau 9 ya karena diperpanjang) Mei, pameran buku terbesar, Big Bad Wolf datang ke Indonesia. Event ini diadakan di ICE BSD City (yang mana suangat jauuuuuuuuuh dari peradaban TT TT). Gue udah senewen aja karena event ini udah mah jauh, pas weekdays pula. Walau dia ada sampai Sabtu-Minggu dan tanggal 5-6 itu libur (tapi nggak buat gue sih), tetap aja yang namanya pameran, hari-hari pertama itu adalah hari yang sangat menyenangkan. Karena stok masih lengkap. Hari-hari terakhir itu biasanya lo akan tinggal nemu sisanya. Itu juga kalo bisa ngais-ngais nyari yang lo mau.

But anyway, karena pas long weekend gue kerja (iya, gue nggak libur gaes. Baca di postingan sebelumnya ya) dan hari Minggu gue kerja juga (inget gue survey ke Bogor buat training? Nah hari Minggu tanggal 8 itu gue preparation buat training-nya), gue memohon nyokap dan adek gue untuk nemenin ke BBW hari Sabtunya. Karena cuma di hari itu lah gue libur. /sedih/

Berdasarkan laporan temen-temen gue yang udah ke sana, mereka nyaranin gue buat dateng ke sana pagian. So, gue beneran mikir untuk sampai sana jam 7 atau 8 paling telat. Karena jarak yang jauh (gue kayak mau pulang kampung ke Serang kalo ke BSD itu... ujung ke ujung banget), gue menetapkan at least jam 6.30 kami udah harus jalan.

So it was settled.

Tanggal 7 malam, gue udah bertekad untuk nggak tidur telat. Berkali-kali gue ingetin nyokap sama adek gue buat bangun pagi besok (yang kemudian mereka jawabin seharusnya gue yang ngomong gitu ke diri sendiri heheh).

Singkat cerita, gue bangun jam 5 dan sibuk bangunin semua orang. Gue yang biasanya males mandi pagi langsung siap-siap buat berangkat. Iya, gue seniat itu memang. Pada akhirnya sih kami berangkatnya ngaret (jam 7 baru jalan). Tapi alhamdulillah jalanan sangat lancar. Pondok Bambu – BSD City dapat ditempuh hanya dalam waktu 1 jam saja. Gokil nggak tuh? Hahahhaa.

Gue, Mama dan adek gue

Sampai di sana, ternyata udah rame banget. Gila yaaaa... Ini orang-orang beneran pada dateng dari subuh kali ya (dan pas gue nguping pembicaraan antara kasir sama customer yang antre depan gue di kasir, memang ini nggak ada sepinya. Even lo dateng jam 2 pagi aja masih rame. ALIG!). Dan memang sih guys, it’s like heaveeeeen.... Bagi yang effort nyari, lo akan nemuin banyak buku bagus dengan harga miring semiring-miringnya miring. Hahahhaha...

keramaian BBW nih

Tapi karena gue udah ada bayangan mau nyari apa, gue nggak senggragas itu buat ambil ini ambil itu sih (but along the way sih gue nyomotin yang sinopsisnya bagus). Setelah sibuk ngoprekin buku (beneran nyari sampai dasar banget karena udah nggak teratur lagi urutannya) gue berhasil menemukan beberapa yang memang gue cari-cari. Plus harganya itu seper... berapa ya? Harga aslinya tuh satu buku bisa sampai hampir 200ribuan, dan gue dapetin di sini cuma 45 ribu aja. MANTEP NGGAK TUUUUH??

Ini buku-buku yang gue dapatkan. Mayan daripada manyun :p

Akhirnya setelah itu, karena masih relatif pagi (masih jam 10-an pas gue keluar area BBW), dan mama lapar, kami pun melipir ke Aeon. Ini adalah kali pertama kami ke sini ya (ya iyalah jauh banget. Kalo nggak karena ini kayaknya nggak akan pernah ke Aeon deh). Mama langsung beli Indomie Real Meat (ngeborong lebih tepatnya) dan gue? Gue terpaku di depan sushi-sushi dan para sashimi.....

Sumpah deh kalo bisa food coma karena ngeliat makanan, kayaknya gue udah begitu. Ahahhaa. Setelah bingung memilih dan akhirnya memutuskan, kami makan (gue memutuskan beli sepaket salmon sushi sih... yang kemudian gue sesali karena gue nggak liat di sisi sebelahnya ada sushi satuan yang harganya 3ribuan, damn).  Karena kami kebetulan ada di mall ya, mama yang lagi pengen banget nonton AADC pun akhirnya ngajakin nonton. Gue sih hayuk aja.

Sibuk eksplor Aeon, menemukan surga gue (which is mainan-mainan semacam neko atsume dan teman-temannya), nonton dan pulang membawa makanan serta nanoblock (my new obsession).

Kami pulang sebenernya telat. Karena kami salah perkiraan. Semakin sore Aeon itu makin rame kan ya, dan karena kami beli makanan dulu yang punya antrean panjang banget, kami baru keluar dari Aeon itu jam 5.30 sore. Macet di mana-mana dan kami sedikit... ehm, disorientasi.

Beli makanan-makanan ini dulu nih yang bikin kemaleman pulang

Suer ini jalanan nggak ada yang jelas. Gue yang memang disorientasi, semakin disorientasi lagi karena kanan kiri depan belakang sama aja. Nggak tahu jalan menuju tol Jakarta – Merak di sebelah mana (karena kalau lewat tol JORR pasti macet banget). Akhirnya setelah muter-muter nggak tentu arah (plus beberapa kali terjebak macet) kami memutuskan untuk nyari masjid karena waktu Maghrib udah datang.

Nyari masjid pun susah. Pake google map repot banget. Kami keluar dari area BSD (area yang ICE, Aeon dan teman-temannya itu) ke jalan kampung gitu. Itu ngebingungin banget. Kami nanya sama orang, di arahin sih tapi karena itu udah mulai gelap dan kami nggak kenal daerahnya, udah nggak paham lagi di sebelah mana. Sampai akhirnya kami coba ikutin aja mereka nunjuk ke mana dan finally, we’ve arrived at the mosque.

Setelah sholat, akhirnya adek gue memutuskan untuk masuk tol JORR aja (“tadi kan khawatir nggak dapet Maghrib, sekarang mah ya udahlah yang penting sampe rumah”). Dan prediksi dia bener emang. Macet banget. Stuck di beberapa titik. Gue yang harusnya jadi navigator (karena duduk di depan) atau at least nemenin dia biar nggak ngantuk, nggak tahan dan akhirnya tidur.

Capek sih hari itu. Karena seharian bener-bener di BSD, pake nyasar pula dan macet. Kami sampai rumah tuh udah jam 10-an kayaknya. Mana gue besoknya harus ke kantor buat jalan ke Bogor. But, biar capek, gue seneng sih. Merasakan euphoria BBW dan dapet buku dengan harga miring, banyak lagi (walau nggak banyak-banyak amat sih). Semoga next BBW jangan di BSD lagi lah. Jauh banget. Hiks.

See ya again...

Love.

Nifa